User Profile

Once upon a time, I spent my days in the great world-tree, earning my keep of sweet, sweet nuts by acting as a messenger of sorts. I would constantly run the length of the tree, relaying between Nidhogg at the roots and the eagle up aloft in the branches. Now, of course, withholding one's true feelings from others, otherwise known as "being tactful", is the backbone of society, and civilization would fall apart if everyone knew about what everyone else was thinking. Consequently, as Nidhogg and the eagle started to know everything about each other's thoughts (thanks to me!) they began to hate each other, and I became more and more of a sower of discord. Gonads and strife; weeee.

As much as I liked my old job, I was getting bored, so I decided to jump off Yggdrasil's familiar old bark and take a swim. I just happened to land in the river Boyne, where I passed by another tree with a bunch of hazelnuts on it. Seeing as I do love nuts so much, I leapt up and ate five of them, which miraculously gave me all sorts of knowledge. While knowing everything was nice, I was now a marked fish, seeing as the first to catch and eat me would get my knowledge. I'd have been perfectly willing to just tell them back in the day! Oh well; I'm forced to keep swimming just to avoid getting eaten. So one day, I get caught by Finegas, who gives me to his assistand Demne. Now, Demne really pissed me off, because even though he's this great warrior with all sorts of awesome powers, he's too dumb to know how to cook a fish properly. So, he burns himself (serves him right) and sucks his freaking thumb to ease the pain. In the process, he gets a taste, and fulfills the goddamn prophecy. In the ensuing confusion, I get myself the fuck away from that fire, and go hide while Finegas is off re-naming that idiot "Finn MacCool" or some other lame crap.

I've been on the run ever since. I'd love to go back to the gossip gig at Yggdrasil, but it would be hard seeing as Nidhogg would swallow me whole for being AWOL for so long. Besides, I've learned that reticence can occasionally be a virtue, and even while it's good to know lots of stuff, it's best not be a prick/show-off about it, lest people want to start eating you.

These days, I hang around Swarthmore College. The Crum is a great place because there's lots of trees for me to scamper around in, and while the Creek is a bit polluted, it's still great to occasionally take a swim and excercise those ol' fins. Having not much else to do, and armed with my knowledge of all things, I pass the time playing quizbowl with the school's "College Bowl" team. (Yeah, the name's an artifact; they've long ago made the wise decision to stop playing CBI...) I set this up for there to be a place to stash my quizbowl musings, and it should of course be noted that I don't ever speak for the team here, just for my own twisted mind.

My ultimate goal in life is to be savagely skewered by Chris Frankel in his next Buzzerfest set.

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